It's been a few weeks now and I've been busy with my every day life. There is nothing that is super special or even remotely exciting that would warrant a hiatus of non-posting except that I've just been spending time with my family. The moments shouldn't be exaggerated but they also shouldn't be down played. I love the time with my family. I won't sit here and pretend that every moment is joyful or worthy of praise, but nevertheless they are moments that I am building on and filing away in my memory drawer. I hope that these simple moments that I'm filing away are easily retrievable when the time comes that I no longer have the same dynamics in my home due to kids growing older, death, births, plans changing, living in a different space and just being in a different place in life altogether. I'm imagining lying in my bed as an elderly woman and still having the ability to reminisce even if my physical body isn't able to function in the manner that it does now. I want to be able to say that I took every advantage of the time that I had with my family. I cannot honestly say that I'm doing the best job, but I can say that I've recognized the need to do so and have acquired the desire to do so. It's really the only thing that matters. I do have to remind myself of this from time to time when I daze off in to my "fantasy world" where I'm dictating and controlling all parts of my life...haha...now that's definitely a fantasy.
Another truth to my hiatus is that I have been in constant agony of what I may possibly face in the future where there is an absence of my husband. There are many details that aren't important in this post, but his health is a constant concern. I've always felt like our time together was limited as we all should; just because that's the nature of life and of any relationship. Unfortunately, I've been plagued with this feeling since the beginning of our life together. I've felt the knowledge of the depth of this experience in life with him and also the limit in it's time. I won't elaborate now but it's most definitely one of the things my heart is struggling to fully accept. The fact that there may be a time that I will have to raise our children without his presence is a very sobering reality check. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that the only thing I can do is make the most of the time we have together. I cannot say for sure that his health will limit our future or if it may ironically be mine. Who really knows? In the end it doesn't matter because we could always get hit by a bus or get pneumonia and just like that it's over. Even with this perception I am doing my best to live each moment to it's fullest potential.
On another note, there is a mother's heartache for her boys that I'm trying to overcome. That's a different post.
Today's Reminder: Each moment is precious...take good notes, make the best decisions, leave nothing unsaid and take nothing for granted!