Tuesday, June 30, 2015


With my attention in about ten separate directions at any given moment, I haven't been able to write as I would like these past few months. I feel trapped inside myself without my usual outlet of putting my thoughts down with pen and paper. So as I'm taking a quick moment to just read "something", I come across this article. It's perfect. It's me today!! I could've written it myself except for the fact that I'm still in transition...but it's still perfectly me. It's nice to read about "me" instead of writing about "me" even if it's in someone else's words. :)

This morning, I woke up with my blood boiling.

My heart was on fire. I’d had enough. Yesterday, I listened to yet another woman put herself on the back burner.
Let’s start reciting, Dayenu, now. Dayenu means enough. Enough is enough. It’s time to stop enslaving our hearts. It’s time we begin listening and acting accordingly.
I write a daily inspiration on my Facebook page, and this is what I wrote from my blazing heart to every woman on the planet:
Do you know what makes my heart hurt?
Listening to others tell me they are okay ignoring and neglecting what their heart is asking for, screaming for because they are scared of what will be, and terrified of leaving the comfort of the agonizing discomfort they are surviving in, day in and day out.
Yesterday was the last straw for me. I haven’t felt anger in a while, but it made me angry to hear yet another sister, bargain with herself. I sat across from a lovely, strong, complicated, self sufficient woman who turned to a puddle of weakness in front of me as she made excuses as to why she should remain unhappy, misunderstood, unappreciated and imprisoned by choice, in a life, with a partner who no longer fulfills nor desires to listen to the needs of her heart.
So, this morning when I woke up, I decided I’ve kept my mouth shut for long enough. I need to say this out loud—
I’ve listened to one too many women make excuses and attempt to rationalize why they remain in a life that’s violating their spirits and trampling their esteem.
I’ve been there, in that place, defending why I’m staying in an environment or with a person who has become a stranger to my soul.
I am fully aware that there is no amount of inspirational dialogue, support or encouragement that could have dragged me out of there. Nothing was going to change, until I was ready, and then, one day, it became unbearable—my heart, my body, my mind was searing with pain and I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t concentrate on anything, but my misery. The distractions I created weren’t enough to squelch my burning needs, any longer.
I know this may be an extremely socially inappropriate example, but it helped me, and was an appropriate visual of my heart at the time.
I will never forget the images of September 11th, of the people who jumped from 100 stories high because the smoke and heat became intolerable. The only option was to leap. It came from a primal place, a protective place, to save themselves, even though death was their fate.
Death is the absolute.
We are all going to die. So, how do you choose to live? Even with death impending, you have a choice to live without the inflicted suffocation of containment in a life that will without a doubt destroy you, from the inside out—or you can fling yourself out of the window, into the open air and free of the destruction.
If you’re waiting for the right day, the right time, the right amount of money, the right age of your children to be, the right momentit will never come. You are going to have to do it knowing you can’t go back. Trust.
Our world is in desperate need of all of us right now. We are being called to embrace our strengths and contribute to the world by doing our work.
Just remember, every single moment you remain coiled in a ball of fear, our world fractures just a little bit more because your heart is breaking, aching to be acknowledged, by you. Listen, and then take action.
Be brave. Save yourself, save the world.


Monday, April 6, 2015

Faith Transforming

Maybe there's confusion on my faith. Maybe others feel as though its been taken...shaken...or it just never was. But that's a mistake in thought. Its not that my faith is no longer....it's that my faith has transformed. It does not consist of a man in a robe with a judgemental pen or even one of destiny. For me if you believe in that then at many times there are no winners or receivers of that coveted favor. Why is it necessary to put God in a box of ideas set up by man? I do not wish to be in this lot of idealizers. My faith is that love in its purest form can reach any crevice in the universe regardless of our perceived "right" outcome..that our suffering isn't in vain but for ultimate spiritual growth. This includes all suffering everywhere. Eternity is not playing in the clouds...eternity is part of the here and the now. Its all I consciously have. Why wait for greatness when greatness is at your fingertips through choice, action, love, compromise, etc. and is readily available in THIS life. Don't just plan for eternity...live it daily!

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Giving It Away

It was over 4 1/2 years ago that my life took on one of it's changes of direction. I had recently come out of a loveless marriage of 4 years. My two oldest children were out of my home. It was just me and my little man Brian who was about 12 years old at the time and our time together was well spent. We enjoyed our day to day with no crazy drama or outside influence.  We were active in his baseball activities.  I cannot think of another time during my life when it was any more peaceful and filled with so much contentment. Then I heard this song and began praying. I prayed that my life would be used for whatever was necessary and in a way that was of service to God, Creation, the Universe, whatever you choose to call it. The words resignated in my soul. I cannot explain how they just took me over in a way that til this day is still unexplainable. I was just so deeply grateful for all the grace and love that I had received throughout my life. I had taken some time to look back over my days on earth and even with all the circumstances I had to overcome, I knew I was blessed. There were so many different people that were placed in my path to assist me in building a solid foundation within me. And there I was standing tall in the absolute knowledge of knowing that I was a child of the most high and I was loved from the depths of grace to the highest point of  abundance. Oh how whole I felt. How completely full I was. I continued to pray this song. And then I got the call...